Tag Archives: Jody McVittie

Non-stop Negotiation Getting You Down?

As the parent it doesn’t always feel so great when all of your positions get shaved away by your budding courtroom lawyer. It is exhausting. Setting limits firmly and still honoring the dignity of your child isn’t really hard, but it takes practice. Continue reading

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Using “What” and “How” Questions

Words. Even though much of how we communicate (more than 70% in some studies) is through our non-verbal expression, words still make a difference. We all know from experience that what we “send” is not necessarily what the receiver “hears.” Another way to think about words is to ask, “What is the word inviting from the other person?” What kind of pathway is opening or closing in response to the words I’m using? Continue reading

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The Power of Asking (instead of telling)

why don’t kids do what we tell them to do? Radical thought: maybe because we are telling them. When you tell someone what to do they don’t have to think. They can listen or not listen – but then it goes away. Your daughter doesn’t have to think about or notice the mess, or her unfinished homework, or the chore she didn’t do or remember to write a thank you note. You are doing the noticing (and reminding) for her. In fact, when we parents do all the noticing and telling their brains don’t have to engage much at all! What a life! Continue reading

Posted in Connection and love, Growing Responsibility, Motivation, Mutual Respect | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Small Steps into the New Year

A lot is written this time of year about what we “resolve” to do for the future. Goals are great but it can be really discouraging when, despite good intentions, they are not met. Continue reading

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Holidays: Fun or Frenzy

Maybe it’s just me, but there is something about the holidays that put my dreams about what it means to be a “good parent” on a collision course with real life – and they always make contact. Sometimes it is messier than others. They are most certainly not stress-free. Continue reading

Posted in Connection and love, Routines, Science and parenting, Self regulation | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Time-in for Children: Re-gathering Response-ability

Children (and all of us) do better when they feel better. Our culture tends to want to “teach” children who are misbehaving by having them feel worse “so they’ll learn not to do it again.” We forget that if the child had felt included, important, or weren’t so tired or hungry she likely would have handled the situation well to begin with. Instead of teaching by hurting the goal of a time-in is to help our child learn how to regain their “better” sense of self so that she can come back to the situation and meet the challenge. With practice, children get better at “re-gathering” by themselves. Remember, this kind of “feeling better” is not happiness – it is a sense of being able to respond (be response-able) from a centered place. Continue reading

Posted in Connection and love, Feelings and emotions, Growing Responsibility, Mistakes yours and theirs, Self regulation | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

From “Mis-takes” to Compassion

It turns out that the distinction between “I made a mistake” and “I am a mistake” is a big deal. When we make a mistake, we may feel bad, but we can learn from what we did. When we come to the erroneous conclusion that we are a mistake, that there is something wrong with us as a person or that we are defective, that becomes the main “learning.” Continue reading

Posted in Connection and love, Feelings and emotions, Mistakes yours and theirs | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments