Monthly Archives: November 2011

Time-in for Children: Re-gathering Response-ability

Children (and all of us) do better when they feel better. Our culture tends to want to “teach” children who are misbehaving by having them feel worse “so they’ll learn not to do it again.” We forget that if the child had felt included, important, or weren’t so tired or hungry she likely would have handled the situation well to begin with. Instead of teaching by hurting the goal of a time-in is to help our child learn how to regain their “better” sense of self so that she can come back to the situation and meet the challenge. With practice, children get better at “re-gathering” by themselves. Remember, this kind of “feeling better” is not happiness – it is a sense of being able to respond (be response-able) from a centered place. Continue reading

Posted in Connection and love, Feelings and emotions, Growing Responsibility, Mistakes yours and theirs, Self regulation | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A (more) Connected Thanksgiving

What would happen if the focus for Thanksgiving were less on the “production” and more on “connection?” What if the meal didn’t have to turn out exactly as expected but the family at the table told great stories or even stories that had never been heard before? What if you learned about Grandpa’s trip across the country, or how Aunt Ruth was the first person in the family to go to college? What if at the end of the day you felt closer to the people you define as family? Continue reading

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Connection, connection, connection

Children who feel connection at home and school were protected from emotional distress and suicidal thoughts or attempts. Connection protected against violent behavior as well as cigarette, alcohol, or marijuana use; and it protected against early sexual activity. Continue reading

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Time In

If you are a parent you probably recognize that feeling inside that comes when you’ve really tried your best and NOTHING seems to be working. You are tired, dinner is almost ready, the table needs to be set and the kids are bickering. Or maybe you are in a hurry and everyone knows what he or she is supposed to do but you think are the only one who really cares if you get to Grandma’s even close to the time you promised to be there.

Ick. For me it is kind of a frantic, out of control desperateness that starts in my chest and moves outward. Continue reading

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