Category Archives: Mutual Respect

Respect or Obedience?

I’m sure you have days where you wish that your children would just do what you told them. No fuss. No complaints or delays. Just do it. And when they don’t do it, you might feel disrespected, as if it … Continue reading

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Is It Really Disrespect?

We’ve been having a lot of conversations about respect at schools this month. Educators are telling us that students don’t “respect” them. When we drill down a little further, the story is that students are not obeying adults. Are respect … Continue reading

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Back to School Already?

As parents, we often feel like we are still in the middle of enjoying summer, when we are drawn in to thinking about ‘Back To School’ by the, advertisements for fall clothes, backpacks, school supplies, etc, as soon as August … Continue reading

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Beginning Family Meetings – Part 2

You’ve been courageous to start something new. You’ve done a couple weeks of compliments at the dinner table or another time and now you’ll add some structure.

There are two projects for this week:
1) Have a short family meeting (15 minutes) in which everyone gives compliments and together you plan a short family activity.
2) Do the family activity. Continue reading

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Growing (Our) Character: Using the Practice of Gratitude, Centering and Forgiveness

The most challenging parenting moments for me are keeping my own emotional triggers in check when I am confronted with conflict involving my kids. Before I even realize I am acting from a place of emotion I am acting like the mother I so desperately do not want to be. I feel hot and tingly all over my body and, well, out of control. Guess what follows these mommy meltdowns? Shame. Shame that I can’t hold it together, that I am treating a person I love more than life itself in a way that makes them feel bad. Shame that I work to teach parents the principles of Positive Discipline and that I have failed, yet again, to embody those principles. Ick! Continue reading

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Curiosity Questions Start Brains Thinking

You know how adults sound on those old Charlie Brown cartoons? Wah, wah, wah, wah, waaaaaahhhhh…” Yes, I am guilty as well. We just want to get our kids moving and we want them to just listen and do what we say. Then we feel irritated and challenged when it seems as though they are ignoring us or dragging their feet… Are they feeling respected? No. Are they feeling capable? No. Are they invited to cooperate? More like invited to a power struggle… Continue reading

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Bullying and Our Culture

Adults sometimes use power to change someone’s behavior by humiliating them or scaring them. There is an implicit assumption that the person is not already doing the best they can at the moment, that somehow they don’t care and that fear and shame will be helpful motivators. This is craziness. We know from brain science that when we are threatened our ability to learn new things shuts down. Athletes and talented technology workers are there because they want to be there. They dream of being on the “A” team, and are working hard to improve performance. Is the bullying really helping?

And, as a culture we buy into this. There is little public outrage at the very public bullying we (and our children) see on television. What are our children learning? Continue reading

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