Category Archives: Self regulation

Growing Children Who Can Calm Themselves

Self-regulation is defined as the ability to manage your emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of a situation.  It’s the ability to calm yourself when upset, to resist highly emotional reactions to stressful stimuli, and the ability to … Continue reading

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Building Empathy Muscles in the Classroom

Teaching is easier when your students look out for each other, connect with each other, and can self-regulate when challenging situations arise. That calls for empathy. Building empathy requires opportunities to practice, learn, and make mistakes in a safe classroom … Continue reading

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Using “Time Out” to Practice Calming Down in the Classroom (or at Home)

Submitted by Stacy Lappin We often hear from educators that students need to be able to self-regulate in order to be successful in school. But what exactly does that mean?   Self-regulation is the ability to monitor and manage emotions, … Continue reading

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Self Regulation Comes First

Contributed by Jody McVittie, MD. You can probably remember the last time you were talking to your child knowing that your child was not taking in everything you said.  Sometimes we adults just say too much.  Why? Probably because we … Continue reading

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Making Space for Awareness

Ever have one of those evenings where you go to bed and wonder where the day went wrong? You know that the kids were not on their best behavior but also have the sinking feeling inside that you weren’t the exactly best role model either. It can be uncomfortable to admit that despite your best efforts you aren’t always the parent you want to be. Most of us have parenting moments like that – where the parent who can listen, or set clear limits, or be patient has disappeared some where and this other human being shows up to take our place. Ick. Continue reading

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Weaving Threads of Resilience

Stories. What do stories have to do with resilience? The stories we know about ourselves and the stories we know about our family make a big difference. Our sense of connection to our inter-generational family helps us moderate the impact of stress.
Weaving your own family narrative, it turns out, may not only increase the resilience and happiness in your own family but may mean that your family may thrive for generations to come.

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Resiliency Lessons from the Minivan

I started to write about helping our kids to develop resiliency last night, thinking that I would have the perfect words to describe to other parents how to go about doing this. Now I am starting over. Because something came clear to me today… It’s not about them. It’s about us. Continue reading

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Growing Resilience: Mastering Adversity

As weird as it may sound, our children need to experience adversity to grow resilience. The sense of mastery that grows within a child having overcome challenges is one of their biggest sources of resilience.

As parents we interrupt many of the opportunities our children have to develop mastery because we lose the distinction between danger (where it is our job to secure safety) and pain (where there is an opportunity for learning.) The drawers in my family medical office were fun to play with because they felt so good when they moved in and out. My young patients loved that feel so much I made sure that there was one drawer that held things that would not harm a child. Even though I okayed drawer play, parents often reacted quickly when their toddlers started pulling and pushing on the drawers for fear that their child might pinch some fingers. Continue reading

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Preparing Ground for Resiliency

One thing people with resilience have in common is a supportive network. You are your child’s first and most important “network of support.” You establish the ground from which they can learn, take risks, make mistakes and come back to safety. With solid ground beneath them children have more ability to overcome challenges. Continue reading

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Bullying and Our Culture

Adults sometimes use power to change someone’s behavior by humiliating them or scaring them. There is an implicit assumption that the person is not already doing the best they can at the moment, that somehow they don’t care and that fear and shame will be helpful motivators. This is craziness. We know from brain science that when we are threatened our ability to learn new things shuts down. Athletes and talented technology workers are there because they want to be there. They dream of being on the “A” team, and are working hard to improve performance. Is the bullying really helping?

And, as a culture we buy into this. There is little public outrage at the very public bullying we (and our children) see on television. What are our children learning? Continue reading

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